"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light."

Lord knows I have been having a really tough time lately. (Un)Fortunately for me, I have become an amazing illusionist with my emotions. But sometimes you just need to know someone sees you, not just knows you exist, but someone who cares if YOU are doing alright. I have some of those people in my life lately that help me stand when I cannot on my own. Yet sometimes the darkness over takes me and I cannot crawl out. Do you know who can always find you in your darkest times?? God. God's light can not be stifled. It can not be hidden. The reason you can't see the light sometimes is because you have your eyes closed too tightly! All I want to do is complain about how life sucks and how it is unfair but I can't... We are still blessed beyond what we could ever dream and God is still on his throne. He is still God and he is STILL GOOD. 

I had a conversation recently with a friend who mentioned how she hates the word DESERVE. If you think about it...that is a terrible word. Because the truth is we don't deserve to have anything that we have now. We don't deserve new clothes, we don't deserve to be loved but He does anyway... It goes the same for the opposite way...I always catch myself saying I don't deserve to have a horrible day or I don't deserve for this bad thing to happen to me. Well NEWS FLASH! I don't deserve a God that loves me unconditionally. Who walks by me even if I piss him off or do something I have told him I wasn't going to do again. There is a song that I keep coming back to no matter how much I want to complain and blame God. It is called, "Broken Hallelujah" by Mandisa.

Broken Hallelujah

With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart’s in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment
You’re with me somehow
And You’ve always been faithful
So Lord even now

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given
Much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
On me at every turn

How could I doubt Your goodness
Your wisdom, Your grace
So Lord hear my heart
In this painful place

Hallelujah
I lift my voice
Your Spirit moves
I raise my hands
I reach for You

The words speak to the fire in my heart and keep it burning...It is the only way I can survive...It is the only way WE can survive. 

So here is to the fire in all of our hearts out there. Keep them burning so you can be a light in someone else's life.  

"Healing...in a pile of crap."

I have one class this semester that I always look forward to. The class is how to teach writing. If you know me, I hate to write, mostly because I am not good at it. But during this class the professor has challenged me to make mistakes and express what I am feeling. We have what she calls a writer's notebook. She gives us little prompts that are so general you can go what ever way you want with them. I have created a couple of things I am sort of proud of. 

This first one was an exercise where she gave us a bunch of poems and we had to go through one poem and circle the words you liked and black out the ones you didn't. I chose the Poem called, Where I'm From by George Ella Lyons. I came up with this...

"I remember my soul, myself. Strong...Lost. My eye shut to keep my sight, under spilling lost faces beneath moments."

Another exercise that we did was so cool. She had cut out words from all different kinds of magazines and put them in a big bag. We reached in and pulled out a handful of words and with those we had to create a sentence. Mine was this...

"Healing with downturn relevance."---think about that one.

The last exercise was called 6 word memoirs. Basically you think of six words that convey what your life is at that moment. I made a couple of them.

"Lost. But know exactly where headed."

"Healing...in a pile of crap."

"Scared greatly for what's ahead."

"Trying to be everything, but unsuccessful."

"Trying to find understanding while hurting."

I have been able to get out what I have been feeling in ways I didn't know existed. And it is for a class! Who would have thought?? It is really hard for me to say anything anymore, to speak a word about what I am feeling. I am glad that I have some sort of outlet for my thoughts...

Typical Guy...

So if you have not read the post about Caleb enjoying playing dress up with Faith you should because it is hilarious! But for those of you who were worried about the boys not being able to learn some man stuff...you don't have to worry anymore! We found Carter on the couch the other day. I feel like these pictures will help put everyone's minds at ease.

Typical Guy...

God's Gift to Me...

I caught myself the other day running around like a mad women, trying to get this done and trying to finish this and that...I noticed that I hadn't looked up all day. Really. I had not looked anyone in the face and given the attention they deserved from me. It was then that I noticed that the sun was shining through the door outside and about to set for the day. The luminosity of the sky almost made me cry. The deep blush of red, orange, purple and burnt yellow saturated the sky with its hopeful rays. It was then that I realized that God had made that sunset just for me. At that moment. I could see God choosing the colors and using his hand to smear and smudge the hues to create his master piece that captivated the sky. The trees gave the perfect dark contrast to the tinted heavens that lie above. It was an aesthetic experience I will never forget. 

God gives you the things you need, when you need them. But if you are too busy and not looking up, you could miss it...

Mary's Sweet Sixteen

My younger sister Mary turned 16 this last Monday...I don't really like to think about it because it is scary to say that my LITTLE sister is now 16! Time has flown by so fast. My older sister Jenny always likes to make a big fuss about every single birthday and holiday. She has huge ideas about how to make THIS birthday bigger and better. Jenny decorated, planned and brought Mary's party to life. My present to Mary was to be there and take pictures of the whole night (which I was going to do anyway) So I took pictures of Mary and her friends but also got pictures of Jenny's AMAZING decorating skills! The theme was black, white, pink and zebra print.

I hope you enjoy :)

Mary at Sixteen...

 Then and Now...

 Jenny had the brilliant idea to print off old and new pictures of Mary with friends and family, then put them on the table underneath a sheet of clear wrapping paper. 

It was a great hit!

Mary's place setting complete with a special birthday cup!

Love this Girl...

Mary's Friends

My Beautiful Sisters And I :)

Jennifer did an amazing job creating everything and making the night perfect for Mary. 

Happy sweet sixteen Mar-Bear!!!

Photo Shoot with Carter

Well today started off rough because I HAD to go to class this morning and I just could not focus. My mind and my heart were about 15 miles away at the hospital with Carter and Vee. When I arrived finally, I walked in, grabbed Carter up and it felt as if my heart was complete. Veronica looked and felt so much better today. It was nice to see her up and about visiting with everyone that came today. We had special visits from her friends Kara and Mickey, the Brazles, Utleys, Cousin Holly, Jodie, Halley, Zachary, Faith, Caleb and of course Nana and I. It was a full day! Before all of the people came today I got to take some special pictures of Carter with Jeremy's wedding ring and Vee's wedding rings. 

 I hope you enjoy :)

 

Carter Jackson King's Arrival

Words can't describe the roller coaster of emotions that so many people have gone through today. The anxiety of this day has been built up so heavily in our minds that we forgot what babies bring to this world when they enter them.

Carter has brought smiles, laughter, tears of joy, happiness, and warmth back into a cold, dark place. 

To be honest I have not been able to set my camera down for a second. I took a total of 350 pictures of this precious boy and the people who love him. Carter's intense cuteness was hard to resist from the moment I saw him. 

 

Look at that Red-Hair!

 I can't keep from kissing him!

 Momma and Carter's snuggle time :)

 Grandma and Grandpa Arnett :)

 Look at Big Brother!

 He was completely smitten with him...

 My Momma holding Carter

 My sister Mary holding Carter :)

 

Carter Jackson

 

 Faith lovin on her little brother...

 Seriously? These kids are crazy in love...

 Carter also brought great joy to his new big brother and sister!

 Nana holding her 9th grandchild...

Today was a great day!
Veronica did so well and Carter is healthy so I am a happy girl.