Recently I was talking with some friends about how I always attract the people who tell me their life stories when I am out in public. Or the people who tell me the most random intimate things about themselves and ask me for advice or just to listen.
I am not going to say that I hate that this happens. I love helping people when I can. Something is hardwired in me to want to fix things that are broken and I believe God calls us to serve others. But it can be draining especially when my brain is telling me that there are more important things than me and I should do something to help.
Tonight I am reminded of how little energy I have left...I just want to take a second to breathe and vent. I want people to ask about how my day went? Or just acknowledge that I may want to talk about something in my life... I need accountability. I need someone that really cares about me and who I am and MY stupid, nonsense, stressful things in my life, even if they in no way can relate to them. One of my best friends said this quote to me recently and checks and makes sure that I am say it to myself.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I need to do better and start thinking more highly of myself...I have never been good at it.
I do have a couple of friends that write me randomly and I cannot express how appreciative I am to have them. And I don't want or expect this post to change anything about people using me to help them because that is who I am. I just needed to say it. Overall, I am richly blessed beyond what I could ever imagine or deserve.
Tonight is just...a weak night.
"Rest but never quit. Even the sun has a sinking spell each evening. But it always rises the next morning. At sunrise, every soul is born again." ~Unknown Author